It feels like I’m dying.
Like, not actually, I feel quite well. Better than I have in a while. This summer was truly a good one, and I did everything I wanted to do (besides beat MediEval 2 and get my full license, oops). But tomorrow (well I guess today actually, since its 1:43 in the morning) I leave to start “a whole new chapter of my life.” As much as I hate the cheesey-ness of that phrase I guess it’s true. Life, as I know it, will change.
I go to a new town to live in a small room and learn new things. I have to be social and make new friends, because the the friends I have made here will also move on to better things. Soon they’ll forget me, and I’m mostly okay with that. There are some people I never want to let go of, like my closest friends, my mentor, my awesome librarian friend that listens to me rant about movies and books, and all the people of my theatre group who have been like a second family to me.
This life that I have here, I’m leaving it behind. Even when I return for vacation I won’t be living in the same house (my parents decided to move to a nicer house… Figures right when I leave, eh?). And even though people say I will be back soon enough, it feels like the life I have now is ending. This is my last night alive.
Which is why I’m up at 1:51 in the morning. How can I sleep when I know I’m going to die tomorrow?
Even though there will be things I miss, I am glad to be going. This is the adventure I needed. I always felt, despite the army of support I have, there is nothing here for me. In school I was the loner, at work I was expendable, in my home I kept to myself because that’s where I was most comfortable (on a side note, I find it interesting that I enjoy my company now, considering 3 months ago I practically hated myself. After getting to know me, I’m actually a pretty cool dude).
Because there’s this overhanging feeling that my time here is done, I am ready for this adventure that awaits me. I just hope this small town I called home will be fine without me. (I know it will be, but it’s nice to at least pretend I had a purpose here. But if I had no purpose here, perhaps I will find one out in the world beyond this small town)